Blogging | Blogger Jealousy

I wrote the majority of this post before I’d even found the post which I now edit this because of. I recently went onto April Todd’s blog Hello April and her December 3 Happy Things Post directed me to the attention of Scarphelia’s post titled; The Struggle of Being a Writer in a Bloggers World. 

The title itself is me in a nutshell. Something many of you might not know about me is I was writing my first novel and I hit the wall of writers block, then I found Zoella and I decided to start a blog in the hopes that it might keep my brain active enough to avoid writers block and allow me to continue writing. I’m not finished yet but I attempted NaNoWriMo and while I did not win I did write 32,000 words in two weeks. More to come on that soon.

Katie writes: But you know, I've come to think that the world would just be a better place, if we all started to be a bit more honest about envy.

With that in mind here’s my honesty about envy.

Blogger Jealousy in nothing to be ashamed of. People do it. I do it, you do it and at some point someone else will do it. I mean I have seen a post from Em Ford over at my pale skin called the Blogger Blues and no doubt there are more of them floating around the big wide world of the internet somewhere that I just haven’t seen yet. People do it and it’s normal.

For me it usually starts out with me reading something and thinking one of two things – “I wish that was me” or “What if I had started doing this three years ago?” Both can be very hurtful to your heart. 

Lately all I am seeing everywhere is YouTubers/Bloggers with books. Now while there is nothing wrong with the books themselves it puts us writers everywhere down and we tend to live for a few days with heavy hearts thinking – how can I write a book, and get it to sell 78,000 copies in its first week with no followers when they have 6 million. (Yes I am using Zoe as an example – I am still fan of her and very proud). You’ve just got to think – most conventional writers begin with no one (link Katie’s blog post).

It would be nice for jealousy to not exist and for us to look at someone with success and think, good on them they worked hard and got what they wanted, because let’s face it, they did. However that doesn’t stop us feeling crap. 

Now don’t go getting me wrong here, I am over the moon and happy for what she has achieved but seeing a headline that Zoe outsold JK Rowling in her first week compared to JK’s first week was heart breaking. Mainly because JK is one of my writing role models! It made me feel like I couldn’t compete with the likes of Zoe, Alfie, Tanya and Fleur because I don’t have a YouTube Channel and I don’t have thousands of people who read my blog, or have subscribed to my musings. I have my parents, my siblings and a few select friends who I let read snippets of my work. 

It’s these little things that chip away at my self-confidence, bringing it down bit by bit and slashing any hopes I had that I could be successful like them. BUT THIS ISNT ALLOWED TO STOP ME.

I am genuinely happy for Zoe, it’s so nice to see someone I have come to care for through the internet get everything she has wanted, and not wanted in life. She has worked so hard and for so long to get where she is and honestly we all just wish we had a life like hers, even with the panic attacks and days where she cries. 

I absolutely love her videos, blog posts and vlogs – in fact she is the only Youtuber that I am currently subscribed to that I can actually watch on a daily basis and not turn the video of halfway (sorrynotsorry). I watch them all but I still sometimes get that little pang of jealously. And that’s okay.

Because then when I find posts like Katies, I realise she is exactly right - I am a writer with a blog, NOT a blogger hoping to get big enough to write a book.

So it doesn’t matter if I have 1 follower or 6 million, I am writing because I want to write. I blog to help with that creativeness in my head that I need to quell before I push it all away and call it writers block. 

Because it’s those jealous days that can propel me into a creative frenzy and I end up whipping out another 5000 words or 10 blog posts, whatever way it happens I get through it. A little jealousy is good and I’d never go further than just whining to a friend about how I want to be successful like Zoe. They just turn around and tell me to shut up, work through it and carry on. 

I think Zoe is a beautiful person, inside and out, and I couldn’t be happier that she has achieved so much by herself with little help, and a lot of support. And fair play to her, and all the others who have done it or are doing it. It takes a lot of work to do the things they do to give us 10 minutes or 300 pages of entertainment. 

Patience is a virtue, good things come to those who waits. Or so I am told. Be happy for them and be jealous of them because while you cannot control the jealous feeling you can control the way you react to it, so DO NOT give up because one day people could be writing blog posts about you too. 

You can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter twenty. Instead of focusing energy on being nothing but bitter, focus on doing everything to become better. If you want to somehow compete with these greats, create something worth competing with – Katie Oldham.

Remember those words.